"Such a time as this"

Monday was tricky.

When approaching this summer, I have felt prompted to make certain things of high priority.  The main reason being to teach my children and help them develop their talents and improve upon the things they struggle with.

They have now been out of school for a couple of days.  And while I know that the approach I felt strongly to take is working wonders, I am realizing that it is taking everything I have to keep it up.

This would be fine, except that by Monday my energy reserves were so depleted that I was snippy and huffy at them all day.  It was ironic how I was trying to so hard to make it a fun day, while at the same time being so "not fun" myself.  Two of my kids asked me at different times of the day "why are you angry?" and "why are you so stressed?"

This is not the type of mom I am or want to be.  So as I crawled in bed that night, reflecting on the day, and sharing my frustrations with my dear husband, I realized a couple of things:

1.  I need to do the things that make me successful and able to handle hard things.  Those key elements are - daily scripture study and prayer, attending the temple regularly, eating healthy and exercising.  When I do all those things it just builds me up.  I feel stronger.  I am stronger.  I have more energy, patience, love, compassion.  When I let any of those things slide, I weaken.  Quickly.  

So Tuesday morning, I got up and did all those things.  Tuesday was wonderful.  I was able to do all the things I wanted to with my kids and did it all cheerfully!  Which started with a trip to the library, then tennis lessons, then swim lessons, then a trip to the DI to unload some stuff, then home for a quiet time, then off to the temple with my in-laws.  It was jam-packed day, but I enjoyed every minute of it!  

2.  Your kids remember less of what you did together, but more how they felt around you.  I remember growing up and the few times my dad would take us to do something fun, he would always ruin it by yelling at us afterward.  I remember thinking, "What a jerk.  He just totally ruined all the fun that we just had together."  My dad was a bit of a jerk.  However, now that I am a parent I realized how hard it is to keep your cool at times.  That is how I was feeling on Monday.  I wanted to do all these fun things with my kids, but then snippy at them while we did them.  Snippy mom = Ruins fun.  I was grateful that the Spirit brought to my remembrance exactly how I felt when I was a kid and my dad would get mad at us.  I don't remember the fun things we did, just that they would end with us getting in trouble. :(  Kids remember how you make them feel.  Enough said!

3.  Don't run faster than you have strength.  This was wise counsel from my dear husband.  He reminded me that I if I try to do too much it will just overwhelm me.  Which will lead to frustration.  Which will make me less effective.  Which really defeats the whole purpose of the things I am trying to accomplish.  It was a good reminder to do the things that really matter, and as for the other stuff...let it go.  I feel like this is something that I need reminded of over and over again. :)

The last bit of insight came as I layed down with my ML to help her read her scriptures before bed.  This was Monday night.  She told me she wanted to read about Esther.  I am not sure why she chose that, but now realize it was an inspired choice because I needed to read about Esther!  

We started Esther's story, then M went to bed.  I got up Tuesday to go running and decided I would read more about Esther before I left.  Then my friend, who's name is ESTHER, picked me up to go running.  We discussed this amazing women on our run.

To sum things up, Esther was asked to do something that was hard.  Even life-threatening to help preserve her people.  When she was afraid, her wise uncle told her "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"  

She was placed where she was by the Divine for a specific mission and purpose.  This was her moment to shine and show the world, and her God what she was made of.

She was courageous and stood for what was right in the face of opposition. 

In studying her, I was reminded that I have also been placed in this world by the Divine.  I have a specific mission and purpose here.  This is my moment to shine as a wife, mother, Primary President, neighbor, friend, sister, daughter, etc.  

People looked to her example.  I am looking to her example all these thousands of years later.  I know people look to me for an example.  I am capable of magnifying the roles I have been blessed to be placed in.  I can do this.  

This is where I show the Lord what I am made of.  

I know I have felt prompted to focus on certain things this summer with my kids.  I will continue to do so, choose to do it cheerfully and with patience, and remember Esther's example of strength and courage.

I am already feeling empowered! :)