"Love More"

Lately, I have been putting a lot of time and effort on being a better mom.  I have been reading books and blogs (mostly by the Eyre family) that have really brought me a lot of inspiration in how I mother my children.  Some have been concrete and practical ideas, others passing comments that struck a tender spot inside me, and yet all have been answers to my prayers as to how God would have me care for these sweet children of His that He has entrusted into mine and Trev's care.  


I feel as though the more I have tried to put into my career as "mom", the more joy I have been getting out of it.  Now don't get me wrong, I have not been trying to DO more just BE more to my family.  I still have SOOO many things I could do better, but I am growing as a person and as a parent.  I am sure I will spend my WHOLE life trying to get this thing "right" but for now I am feeling good about where I am at and what the Lord is teaching me today.  :)  


So here is what I mean.  Lately, I have had 2 children that have been tough.  I don't know about your kids, but mine seem to switch off on who needs more attention at a certain time than at another.  The ones that were tough a couple of weeks ago, are now the easy ones, and vice versa.  I am just grateful that they switch off...not sure what my emotional state would be if they decided to all be tough together. :)  


So the 2 that are tough right now we will "call" "J" and "C"...to protect the guilty. :) They both have been cranky, whiney, rude to their siblings, and just sending a "ticked" mist throughout the house.  They have been getting into trouble a lot...mostly for attitude and disobedience.  We are going on about 2 weeks now and I was getting a bit "impatient" that they hadn't snapped out of it.   So over the last week, I kept thinking "just stick to your guns...they will snap back."  As time went on, and things remained the same even with multiple punishments, I left that prerogative behind, and started thinking over the weekend..."They are obviously having a hard time, what can I do to help them?"  


Sure enough, as I began praying for guidance...it came.  Like it always does.  Heavenly Father is SOO aware of His children and their needs.  I am just grateful He shares that knowledge with Trev and I when we finally get around to asking for it.  Then I wonder why I wait so long.  Silly, I know.


So here is how the guidance came this time.  Reading Shawni Eyre's blog (www.71toes.com).  She is a FANTASTIC mother and I admire her A LOT!  She talked about a sign that hangs in her entry way.  It reads "Love More."  The basic idea is that when things get hard, that is the time to extend MORE love to our kids.  This can be REALLY hard when you are frustrated as well, but this idea struck me like a dart to my heart.  I realized this was my answer right away.  I needed to stop trying to force the behavior to change, but instead persuade it to change from changing my reaction from frustrated and upset to understanding and loving.  I needed to "love more."


Luckily, the next day I had an opportunity to meet Trev for lunch and we took just "J".  He had us all to himself for just an hour!  He beamed the whole time.  He felt grown up.  He felt special to have his parents ALL to HIMSELF!  Even though it was only an hour, I knew immediately that it meant a lot to him.  Then that night, I took him all by myself to his basketball game.  I turned off the radio (something I have been trying to do more lately when we are in the car together) and we just talked about sharks the whole way to the game. I watched him play and cheered him on.  He had all of me and by the look on his face, I knew he was loving it!  I tend to forget how seldom this occurs for him in a busy, young family.  He played great...he even scored 5 baskets!!!  It wasn't until we got back in the car however, that I truly grasped how much this undivided attention time that day meant to him.  As we drove away from the game, he was kind of quiet in the backseat eating his post-game treat, so I turned the radio back on low.  IMMEDIATELY he said, "Hey mom, aren't we going to talk?"  I can feel my heart stir even now as I write about it.  It was the SWEETEST moment...and such an eye-opener for me.  He was just needing  me more, his dad more, "love more."  This was just last night.  I am happy to report that today he has been markedly better.  He is getting back to his usual self.  He has been kinder, sweeter, and more obedient.  He just need us.  It surprises me that I would even need a reminder to love this kid more because seriously...how could I not???

I sure love you buddy!!!!  


On to the "other" tough one.  Oh, how I love this little face!!!  

Her big issue is that she has been much more needy.  She has always been pretty independent, but the last couple of weeks she wants me to hold her constantly, she throws big tantrums, etc.  I had the impression to "love her more" too, so I have been doing that, but I worry sometimes if I am just "giving in" and exacerbating the problem. :)  This one is still a work in process but, I think that there has been some benefit.  I started holding her when she would ask.  Bringing her with me around the house to do things.  Sitting her next to me in the kitchen while I prepared food, sitting her with me when I get ready, etc.  I can't tell if that has helped or not because she that is exactly what she wants me to do. :)  But I will say that I have kind of enjoyed the incessant snuggling from a child who never seemed to want that all too much. :)  Her behavior hasn't "changed" too much yet, but I think at least she is feeling loved by me.  That in and of itself I think I will call a success.  Instead of the constant time-out routine. :)  Like I said, still working on this one. :)  If you have any ideas...FEEL free to share!!! :)  I seriously glean so much from other moms.  


For now, I am just going to keep trying to "love more."  And taking suggestions from one of the currently "easy" ones..."M".  This is what I found waiting for me on the counter when I got home from my meeting tonight...seriously, how sweet is that??!!