Goals...take 2.

So you know that feeling when you feel like you have accomplished something big...when you feel like you can let your mind move on to other things and check that big thing off your list?  (I love checking things off...I am VERY much a list person).  Well I had that feeling a week ago after we discussed and recorded our family and individual goals over Sunday dinner, posted them here, and I spent a few hours one day designing this...

to frame and proudly display in our kitchen for all to see and be reminded each day.  Wheww...done!  Right?  Wrong.  After (of course) I had gone through this whole process...I read a section in my new favorite book on giving kids ownership of their goals:

 It basically says that if you give kids ownership of their own goals, guide them in setting them, and create a visual reminder with   progress charts, they will be much more motivated to accomplish them and feel more pride in that feat.  
With this new insight, I realized that my kids hadn't really set their goals...we had set expectations for them to attain.  Ours.  Not theirs.  I realized this wouldn't do much for what we were trying to teach them about setting goals.  It wouldn't teach them to aspire to what they desire, just what we desire out of them.  So...I realized, a little begrudgingly since I had already "checked it off" in my mind, that we needed a "Goals...Take 2."


So yesterday, I bought a couple of white poster boards, sat M&J down, and did this thing again.  Our family goals stayed the same, because we had discussed and determined these goals as a family.  The individual ones were the ones that I felt needed revamping.  So it began.


First was Jake.  I simply asked him what are some goals he would like to accomplish until the end of the school year in 4 different categories: 1. Spiritual, 2. Educational, 3. Physical, and 4. Service.  I offered a few suggestions to help him but was careful not to push my ideas onto him.  It took about 45 minutes and by the end he was crying. :)  But something interesting happpened.  When we talked about his education goals he said he wanted to learn how to be a better reader.  As I have mentioned with previous posts, he has struggled with his letters.  So I was excited when he said that was his goal (I didn't even suggest this!  Hooray!).  But then when we were trying to formulate a plan to make this happen I suggested he set a goal of reading a certain number of books by the end of the school year. This is where things got enlightening.  He said he wanted to read 2.  I said that was too low of a number considering we still had 5 months left of school.  I told him "how about 2 a month = 10 books?"  He begrudingly obliged...then as we were drawing the 10 progress stars (one for each new book) his eyes started to fill with tears.  I could tell he was trying to be brave and not cry, but then I asked him why he was sad, and he lost it.  Tears flowing like rain!  He finally said in frustration, "I can't read!  That's too many!" This stopped me short.  Broke my heart really, because I realized for the first time that he was self-conscience about not being able to read yet.  I can't imagine too many of his fellow Kindergartners are already reading but it was clear to me that he was frustrated that he could not.  This is the first time he has ever express this level of frustration with reading.  I put down the marker, sat him on my lap, and tried to lovingly assure him that I would help him with this.  That I would help him accomplish this goal...but that the only way to get better at reading was to practice.  The 10 books would help him accomplish his goal.  In that moment, Trev walked in from work.  He came over, I briefly explained what was going on, and promised that he would help Jake too.  We also told him because he would have to work so hard to accomplish all these goals that we would reward him by going somewhere fun of his choice (he picked Chuck E. Cheeses...Trev and I hate that place. :) ) once he had accomplished all his goals.  That seemed to help him, and you could see the confidence growing on his face as he gained strength from realizing that his parents would be there to help him along his journey.  
A couple minutes later, after some final coloring touches, we posted the board in his room for him to see and consistently work on.  See that face...much better. :)

I have to say, I am sooo grateful that I read that section in my book.  It pushed me to go back and redo this process...which led me to an enlightening experience with my son.  If I hadn't taken the time to do this, I wouldn't have known exactly how he was feeling in this area.  In addition, Jake wouldn't have had the opportunity to feel his parents unwavering love and determination to be there to help him when things are hard.  This process became about a whole lot more than just setting some goals.  I am so grateful for this experience.


Now I think I can safely say...
Jake's Goals - CHECK!  I love that!! :)
...now onto Morgan's and mine. :)