The lesson of my life.

It is Sunday evening. All the kids are in bed, and I wanted to express just a few of the thoughts and experiences I have had this week. This is mostly for my benefit, because I don't want to forget these sweet moments, but perhaps they will spark some thoughts and feelings for you as well. If the Spirit touches you as you read this, recognize it.
First, a little background. A couple of weeks ago, my sweet friend, Serene Bean, asked me if I would teach a lesson in Relief Society. I told her that I would be honored, and that I love teaching Relief Society...not because I am a good teacher, but because I learn so much about the topic. She later told me the topic, "The Life of Christ."
As I read the lesson material, I quickly started to feel incredibly inadequate. As I read about, and pondered on the life of our Savior, I quickly realized that it would be very difficult to put into words the magnitude of His sojourn on earth. I really wanted the sisters in our ward to feel the power of His life on earth in the same intensity that I was as I studied and pondered it for my lesson. I felt impressed to just share the events of His life and bear my testimony of Him.

Now before I continue, I have to make a confession. In the Doctrine and Covenants it talks about how we all were blessed with certain spiritual gifts by our Father in Heaven before we came to this earth. These gifts were given according to our individual capabilities and needs. One gift in particular that the scriptures mention is the gift of having a personal witness of that Jesus is the Christ. Another one is the gift of believing the testimony of others who have that personal witness. I have always felt that I am the in the latter group. I have been told the story of the Savior since I was born. I have always believed wholeheartedly that it was true. I believe that He came to earth, born of a virgin mother. I believe He grew up strong in the Spirit. I believe He was baptized by John the Baptist, not for redemption from sin (because He had none) but to show us the way to get back to our Father in Heaven. I believe He did in fact, perform all the miracles spoken of in the New Testament. I believe He fulfilled His purpose and mission here on earth and that he suffered and died for all the sins of mankind. I believe that He redeemed us from our sins and rose again from the tomb on the 3rd day. I have always believed it all. I have the gift of believing others testimonies of my Savior, His divine mission, and the role He plays in my life. This has always been one of my spiritual gifts.

However, I have recently noticed how many people talk about the Savior as their friend. They know Him, and feel Him in their lives at all times. I started to realize that I want to be in the first group, with those that have a personal witness of the Savior. So I started to try and see Him in my life. I started to try to feel His presence, not just because He was there, but because I wanted Him there. I want Him to walk beside me, I want His help in my life, I want to confide in Him. After all, this is what I think of when I think of a friend. Through various activities (scripture study, reading a book about the Atonement, and even through running - surprisingly enough), I started to feel His presence.

This brings me back to the lesson. While I prepared for this lesson, I feel as though I have been moving into that second group I referred to earlier - that group of people who have the spiritual gift of knowing and having a personal witness of their Savior. I felt the magnitude of His life, His mission, and especially His Atonement. Even as I write this, I can feel the Spirit testifying to me, in a personal way, the truthfulness of the feelings I have had and the experience I am still having of coming to know my Savior as my friend, in addition to my Redeemer. I quickly realized that trying to put into words for my lesson the intensity of my feelings would be rather inadequate. However, I also realized that those feelings came because I had a desire to come to know my Savior better. After a trip to the temple, it became clear to me how this lesson should be presented, even though I felt totally inadequate to teach it. I just need to tell the story and pray that the Spirit would pierce the hearts of the sisters as strongly as it had mine. The life and mission of our Savior is so incredible that only the confirmation of the Spirit would do it justice.

So I want to finish this post by bearing my testimony. Hopefully to any and all that reads this, the Spirit will do the rest. Here goes:

I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. I have had confirmations by the Spirit that have touched my heart and mind so strongly that I cannot deny nor push aside their reality. I know that He was born in Jerusalem of a virgin mother. He grew up in humble circumstances. He did all that was commanded of Him by His Father in Heaven. He used His priesthood power to perform miracles...all of which benefited only others. Nothing He did was for selfish purposes. He served, loved, encouraged, and taught all those around Him. Again, not for His benefit, but for theirs. He called 12 apostles and established His church upon the earth. He showed us through His word and deeds how to live our lives. Then as if this wouldn't be enough to be grateful for, He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemanee for all our sins, infirmities, and hurts we would ever experience in this life. Then He even felt betrayal by one of His trusted and loved apostles, Judas. He was subjected to a completely illegitimate trial, and sentenced to death by a king who was just trying to appease an angry mob. He was mocked, whipped, spit upon, and even crowned with plated thorns around His head. Then He was made to carry His own cross to Calvary's Hill where he would be crucified. In these final moments, He even had to feel the Spirit of the Father withdraw from Him to which He replied - "Father, why has thou forsaken me?" He had to tread the winepress alone, so that He could conquer death for us and redeem us from spiritual death if we would just choose to follow Him. He accomplished the work He was sent here to do. He did what no other had the ability to do. He earned the right to be our Redeemer. After His death, He rose again the 3rd day and overcame the bonds of death. He lived for us. He died for us. I will spend the rest of my life trying to follow in His footsteps. I will try to do what I have been asked to do, just as He did. I will love God and serve Him. I will love and serve others around me with everything I have inside of me. I will forgive others and pray that I may be forgiven of my faults as well. I am coming to know my Savior. I can feel Him in my life, and I can't wait to see our "friendship" continue to grow. I thank a loving God above for the gift of His Son, and the Savior for all the gifts I have because I know where they come from. I no longer have to believe others, because now I know for myself. Praise be to God and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I say these things, in His sacred name, even Jesus Christ, Amen.