Missing in Action

Tonight I write from England.  If you have wondered where I have been (you probably haven't, but just in case :)) Trev and I have spent the last 1 1/2 weeks exploring France and England.  It is just us...and I will document more on that than anyone but us would care to see...but since I have filled memory cards and no photoshop that will have to wait. 

Writing tonight is simply about finding a way to comfort my head and heart.  It is about missing my children...and feeling "Missing in Action" for my children.

Each day, I am blessed to be a mother.  I am severely loved and needed by 4 great kids, and 1 loving husband.  I am fortunate enough to stay home and raise these kids I adore, and create a home where loving, lifting, learning, and laughing occur.  I am a truly, truly blessed woman.

Now, not all the aspects of motherhood are fun and glamorous.  Some are downright difficult.  It is easy to get caught up in the "thick of thin" things.  And it is often all you can do to stay positive.

But it is amazing how much you miss it when you step away from it for a little while.

Earlier this year, Trev was recognized as one of his company's top sales reps.  An honor in it's own right.  In addition, he was awarded an all-expense paid trip to Cannes, France for him and I to enjoy!  Since then, we have been dreaming, planning, worrying, and anticipating.  

SIDE NOTE: I also need to mention that ever since we have been married we have dreamed to go to England.  Trev's father grew up there before joining the LDS church as a teen and immigrating to the U.S.  So we thought, "hey, if the company is paying...we should just do England while we are over there!"  We even worked it out to have Trev's mom and dad be there at the same time to show us around and get a full English experience along with first-hand family history!  It was perfect!  

The only problem was that it would need to be 2 weeks to make it worth it.  How does one pack up and leave their life for 2 whole weeks???  Answer:  Lots, lots, and lots of planning and preparation.

When planning, there are lots of things to get in order.  However, of all the things to prepare for this amazing trip...the thing that occupied my heart and mind the most was the question "how can I leave my kids for 2 whole weeks?!!"

Well thanks to lots and lots of sacrifice on the part of many (particularly my dear mum - like that English rubbing off on me?), I was able to work it out.  I left last week still worried but confident in the planning and the love that I knew everyone would show to my kids.  So far, everything has gone according to plan.

But 2 days ago, 2 of my girls got sick.  Morgan developed a "boil" on her leg, and Claire came down with pink eye.  I immediately felt guilty for not being there for my girls - to comfort them, to care for them, etc.  But my mom took them to the doctor, got the needed medicine, and everything seemed to be under control.

Tonight, however, when I called my mom she told me that after she dropped of my kids off to the places they would spend this final weekend of our trip, Abby and Claire started running fevers.  As I write this, my sweet neighbor is taking them to the doctor.  

I feel so grateful for a loving mother and friend who are taking such loving care of my kids...but at the same time, the guilty feelings are back.  I am their mother.  I should be there to hold and comfort them.  I should be the one on the way to the doctor.  So not only and I missing my kids, but I feel like I am "Missing in Action" for my kids when they need me.

I recognize that I need to just push those feelings aside.  But I think since I am missing my kids as it is, my heart can't help but let those feelings linger.  

I am waiting to call back to get an update on what the doctor says and I am praying that they are just little colds.

But I just needed a way to get these feelings out.  To work through them in my mind and heart. It doesn't necessarily make them go away, but I can feel it helping.  

It is amazing how one experience of "Missing in Action" reminds me of how much I love being that "Mother in Action."

A role I am and will be eternally grateful for.  One that I look forward to going back to.  

To my sweet kids:  I love you all ever so much.  It hurts my heart to be away from you.  Please know that Dad and I have missed you terribly and can't wait to hold you the moment we get home.  A moment that can't come soon enough.  Thank you for being brave while we have been gone.  We love, love, LOVE you all soooo much! XOXOXOX - Mom and Dad