One of my talents happens to be photography. I have been a photographer for almost 11 years now, 5 of which I owned my own photography business - Kasey Lighten Photography.
In 2008, I gave birth to my twins and decided something needed to be cleared from my plate; with 4 little ones at home I decided to effectually push the pause button on my "professional" photography career.
Although I wasn't taking other people's pictures professionally anymore, I never lost that love of taking them of my family.
You see, I don't have many pictures of me growing up. I also don't have a great memory.
I have come to realize that if I have a picture of something, I remember it. I remember where I was, how I felt, who was there, so many tiny details and joys of life that would be lost forever in the recesses of time and my mind if I had no way to recall them or spark the memory.
So I take pictures. Lots of them.
Over the years, I have become very good at it too - as a result, it has become not only a passion but an artistic outlet for me.
It truly brings me joy.
However, just like any gift or talent, if it is not used or nurtured it can diminish.
I started to see that happening lately.
You see, this year has been so crazy with so many things that I have not taken the time to photograph nearly as much.
I have not practiced or enriched my talent.
And I saw it slowly start to diminish. Pretty soon I was having a hard time enjoying the pictures I was taking because I knew they could be better.
I was frustrated by this, but not enough yet to really do anything about it.
Until a few weeks ago. I hit that moment. The moment where you realize that you need to make the effort to be better at the things you love and are good at. Where you are reminded that you need to put in the time and work to become better - it won't just happen. The moment where you decide you will not let this diminishing effect continue.
The moment came when I was trying to take my baby sister's senior pictures and my own family pictures for our Christmas card.
My sister's senior pictures photo shoot started out tricky. I couldn't figure out the lighting that I liked or the settings. I was frustrated but pressed on. We shot a lot of pictures but in the end there were only a couple I loved. I thought, "oh well, I just need to get them off my camera and see them big on my computer before I worry too much."
I was only able to get one picture off my camera before disaster really struck. My memory card became corrupted and I couldn't transfer ANY of the pictures!! I couldn't even see them on my camera anymore!
I have heard of this happening to other photographers but in the 11 years I have been at this, I have never had this problem.
I felt terrible, but also a little relieved for another shot to get better pictures. Only problem was we were on a time crunch and couldn't seem to find a time where my sister could do another shoot before the bad weather hit.
It seemed we would have to wait for spring before we could do them...and by that time my sister would have braces on again and she was not so excited about that little fact - which I don't blame her. :)
But what could I do? Other than feel bad. Which I certainly did that.
Flopped photo shoot #1.
Flopped photo shoot #2 came about a week later when I decided to try to take my own family photos for our Christmas card.
I borrowed a tripod and thought, "how hard can it be?"
Well, to make a long story short...
Let's just say I spent a whole day prepping, shopping, and agonizing over outfits...
Then spent more time getting everyone cleaned, prepped, and pretty for the pictures - which with a family of 6 is no small task in and of itself. We do LOTS of hair around here.
Once ready, we piled into the car and headed up the canyon where we would hike...me in heels no less...
Up to find the perfect spot with the perfect lighting with us all looking perfect...
Until Morgan fell into the river...TWICE!
But still we pressed on...
With tripod in hand, children going to the bathroom in the woods, we spent 3 hours trying to get a few shots that would work of us all and at least one of each kid to put on the wall...
Only to come home, download the pictures to find that I had the settings wrong on my camera and they were all a bust.
It still hurts my heart to think of this story.
I cried. A lot that night. Frustration, disappointment, defeat, and fear at the realization that I needed to try again - worried about having the same result. No usable pictures.
Here is the end result of flopped photo shoot #2.
Looking at these now, they don't seem so bad. But to my photographer eye they were disappointing.
And when you consider it was my first time using a tripod, I guess I should feel pretty proud.
But I did not that night.
The next day after some sleep and a lot of thought I started to develop the determination that I needed to try again.
I could have just hired a photographer to do it, but I wanted to do it! I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I wanted to progress my talent.
So with that determination building and bad weather on the way, I decided to practice and brush up my skills in order to try again.
But I just didn't know when and frankly I was nervous to try.
I mean, did I really have it in me, and did my family have it in them to go through another photo shoot?
We would see. But I would be patient and just pray for a good opportunity.
Well, that opportunity was granted. On Thanksgiving no less.
It was in the morning, and we were getting ready to head up to Logan to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family.
I wanted us all to look nice for the dinner but secretly thought..."if the weather is nice I think I might try to get a family picture..."
So as we got ready to go, I sort of told the kids what to wear that might look nice in a picture.
Even during the getting ready process I had decided it wouldn't work, but I didn't lose hope.
When we arrived in Logan, everyone still looked nice, the weather was stunning, and I got an urge of gusto to give it a shot! I asked my baby sister to come with us and take the photo for us. But quickly noticed she looked darling too..."ooohhh could I perhaps do her senior pictures today too???"
"No don't get ahead of yourself."
But with these thoughts rolling through my brain we headed out.
And it was like magic.
The kids were good. The lighting was great. Everyone was happy. The stars were aligning.
We were able to get what we needed. A few pictures for our Christmas card. (Spoiler alert)
Love this last one. :)
Then...with my adorable sister there...we decided to give her senior pictures another shot.
SUCCESS!!! My two flopped photo shoots redeemed!
Now I would have loved to get more amazing pictures that day, especially of my kids and family; but I believe Heavenly Father was answering my prayers and granting me a tender mercy by giving me what I needed in spite of my lacking. I was trying and He was honoring that. It was what I needed to get my confidence to do it back again. It was what I needed to want to begin again to develop this talent for photography that He has blessed me with.
These pictures and this Thanksgiving will always be a special reminder to me of how grateful I am He makes up for the areas I fall short. That He blesses me when I ask and try.
That I have talents that He has given to me that I need to remember not to completely cast aside when life gets busy or they will start to diminish.
Now there are moments in life that we have more time than others to focus on developing our talents, but I think that just a little consistent effort over time will add up to more development than big bursts anyway.
We our given talents to bless us. To give us joy in accomplishing and to bless the lives of others - and we need to use and nurture them for those purposes.
I am just glad I have these pictures to hopefully help me remember this lesson always.
How good God is to me and how grateful I am for the talents He has given me and encourages me to develop and enjoy.
